


It’s time we danced with the truth

by invisiblehuman



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Confessions, Drunkenness, Kisses, M/M, Roommates, oh my god they were roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 02:11:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15160136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/invisiblehuman/pseuds/invisiblehuman
Summary: Baz and Simon are uni roommates who hate each other, or do they?Or Baz gets drunk while Simon's out and ends up spilling some truths.





	It’s time we danced with the truth

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Lorde's Melodrama and decided to write this because I love dramatic Baz and clueless Simon, especially if they are roommates. The title is from Sober by, you guessed it, Lorde. Hope you enjoy it!

Baz is warm, he can feel it in his fingertips and in his cheeks, it's winter and he hasn't felt this warm in weeks. It should be pleasant after all those days of frozen nose and toes, but it isn't because Baz it's stupid. He's in his room by himself, drinking vodka while he listens to Lorde singing about a heartbreak he hasn't experienced, but that makes him miserable regardless.

This wasn't how he had planned to spend the night. It's Friday, the day he can let himself forget about his academic duties for a while, before having to go back to being a busy university student the next day. So, he wanted to use the time he had without his annoying roommate for good, watch some movies and relax alone.  
The problem was that he was too alone. He put on some music to fill the silence while he scrolled looking for something interesting to watch, but it was on shuffle and a lot of good songs came on, so he ended up not wanting to turn it off. He didn't feel like watching anything anymore, and it was okay because the songs were great, but they didn't make him feel less alone; it wasn’t quiet anymore, but the room didn't feel less empty or cold. So, he thought about being warm and remembered the half full bottle of vodka hidden in his closet from the last time Dev and Niall had visited and he decided to drink some, just to warm up his body.  
It worked, and at first it was fine but then the songs were about love and sadness, and he couldn't help looking at the bed in front of his and thinking about his owner while he drank more vodka.

So now he’s here, tipsy and alone, remembering Simon Snow's facial features.

Simon and Baz have been roommates for two years now. They were assigned together in their first year and they are bound to be paired until they leave university or one of them decides to move out. At first, Baz thought Snow was the most annoying person in the world. He was messy, clumsy, didn't speak clearly, and was incredibly good at making friends, or at least one friend, Penelope Bunce, who in the first week of class already came to their room as if it was hers and lived in Baz's space without asking for permission. So Baz was unfriendly since the beginning, always frowning at Snow and telling him to shut up, constantly arguing about the tidiness of the room and making fun of his mistakes. And, of course, Simon started to fight back; being messy on purpose, bringing Penelope as often as he could, being loud when Baz was trying to read and so on.

All in all, their relationship hadn’t started very well. But after a while, all of what at first was annoying for Baz started to become endearing. Simon was a very smart person, but he had problems expressing himself. He struggled because he was constantly trying to find the right words but ended up not saying enough. Despite that, he was charming, everyone around him seemed to notice how special he was so he was always surrounded by people. Still, he had few real friends and he cared deeply about them. Baz could see the love with which he talked about Penny and he started to wish that he could be inside Snow's heart, so he would talk about him in the same way.

By the end of first year he couldn't deny his crush towards his roommate. He spent a little too much time looking at his bronze curls and tanned skin when the other wasn't paying attention or remembering the blue of his eyes when they weren't in the same room.  
It went on like that and it's still the same today; Baz acts as if everything Snow does annoys him, but at night he falls asleep listening to his soft breaths coming from the other side of the room.

It's stupid, Baz knows. He hasn't done anything about it, he hasn't even told his so called friends that he doesn't actually hate the few classes he shares with Snow and that whenever he says he wants him to move out, he doesn't really mean it. Now he’s lonely and miserable, and he wants alcohol to make him feel better, braver, but it doesn't. He just feels sleepy and warm and useless, because here he is, listening to sad songs while Simon is probably at a party having fun with friends, and maybe with Agatha.

That's another thing. Some months ago, Baz found out Simon had started dating Agatha Wellbelove, a very smart, wealthy and beautiful girl he had seen with Penelope a couple times before, and who, apparently, was in some classes with Snow. Baz had no right, but he felt terrible anyway; he spent weeks listening to his sad playlist and looking longingly at Snow even more than usual.  
After that, Snow started going out more, he was rarely in their room, and he spent some nights out. When he was home, he usually brought Agatha with him and although he never introduced her as his girlfriend it was safe to assume. Baz felt pathetic pining for him when Snow clearly felt proud and lucky to be with a girl like her, so he tried spending more time outside when they were in the room, just so he didn’t have to see them together.  
But all that stopped about two weeks ago.

Suddenly Simon went back to spending most of his time in the room with Baz, studying, watching stuff on his laptop, or sleeping; just going out to get to class. Baz felt relieved and then guilty, but mostly a little worried. He wanted to ask about Simon's life, offer his help if he was feeling sad, but that wasn't something they did, so he let it be, because at least he could spend more time near him.

Until now.

Tonight, Simon went out again and Baz wants to know where he went and how he feels and see if him and Agatha are still a thing. But he isn’t going to do it, so he keeps drinking, because he can't go to Simon if he doesn’t know where he is, but he can wait for him and with the help of vodka have the guts to ask him, Simon Snow, his incredibly hot and kind-hearted roommate, if he’s okay or needs help with anything.

It’s almost two a.m. now, there isn’t much vodka left and Baz is tired of waiting. At some point he decided to sit on Simon’s bed because that’s the closest he can be to him right now, that’s how low he’s fallen.  
He’s sat there, singing quietly and crying a little, when he hears keys outside the door. He starts to panic; it was easier to pretend he could talk to Simon when he wasn’t actually here. Baz gets up, he doesn’t want him to see him like this anymore, but the vodka has its effects, so he stumbles back and falls to the bed. That’s when Simon gets in.

“Baz?” he looks at him from the door. Baz is frozen, he doesn’t know what to do or say. Lorde is still playing on his laptop; the bottle of vodka is open on the floor and he’s half laying on his roommate’s bed. He must look ridiculous.

“What are you doing on my bed?” he asks. He’s not drunk, why can’t he be drunk? Maybe this would be less humiliating if they both were.

“Uh, n- nothing,” Baz says, he wants to face palm himself.

“Are you drunk?” Simon looks around the room and then walks a few steps towards his bed. Baz sits up.

“Yeah, so what? do you have a problem with that?” Fuck this isn’t going as planned, Baz’s so dumb.

Simon frowns as he takes off his jacket. Hell, Baz can’t stop looking at him, he’s so handsome, but he shouldn’t be frowning, Baz wants him to smile. He goes to hang the jacket on the chair at the end of his bed.

“Well, I do if you’re on my bed. I don’t want you spilling stuff on my duvet.”

This is too much, Baz can’t take it. He doesn’t want to argue anymore. He wanted to tell Simon that he could talk to him, not make him upset. He’s still looking at him and now Snow’s looking back. Baz tries to speak, but he can’t help a sob scaping his mouth.

“Baz? are you okay?” Simon walks to him and sits beside him on the bed, he looks worried, why does he look worried?

Baz starts really crying then, there are tears running nonstop down his cheeks.

“No, please, don’t cry,” Simon doesn’t seem to know what to do, he lifts his left hand and puts it on Baz’s shoulder.

“What are you doing?!” Baz cries out a little louder.

“Oh, okay, okay,” Simon pulls his hand back down, he looks lost.

“Noo!” Baz cries more. He takes Simon’s arm and puts it on his back again and then leans onto him, his head resting on the other’s shoulder. Simon stays still, he’s probably very uncomfortable right now, but Baz doesn’t know what to do, his emotions are in control now, so he just stays there, crying until Snow relaxes a little and starts talking.

“It’s fine Baz, whatever it is, it’s going to be okay don’t worry”. Now he’s patting his back.

Baz wants to tell him that it’s all his fault, but it’s not true. The reason why he’s crying is not because Simon doesn’t like him or because he has a girlfriend, it’s because he hasn’t done anything kind towards him in all the time they’ve been living together, so he knows that it’s completely valid that Snow hates him.

“You know, if you want, you can tell me what happened,” Simon says.

At that Baz lifts his head, he remembers he’s not doing what he planned. This wasn’t supposed to be about him.

“Don’t ask _me_ that, I-I want to know how _you_ are. Were you having fun?”

“What? Baz, what are you saying? why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong?”

“I just, just want to know where you were Snow,” Baz sobs, using his sleeve to dry his nose.

“I was just with Penny and her roommate watching a film,” he says. So he wasn’t partying, and he wasn’t with Agatha. Baz hates himself for thinking about that; he has no right to be jealous.

“Wait, I’ll get you some tissues, okay?” he gets up before Baz can say anything. On top of everything, the idiot has to be nice about this situation. It would be better if he was a dick.

Simon grabs the tissue box and passes it to him. Then he goes to turn off the music on Baz’s laptop and leave the vodka on his bedside table. Baz is tired, so he just lays down and watches Simon while he blows his nose noisily and dries his tears.

“Uhm, you can sleep there if you want,” Simon says, “I’ll take your bed. Do you want me to go get you water?”

“No, no, come here”, Baz says, because he wants him to be close right now. Simon sits down next to him.

“Okay, do you want to talk to me now?” Baz does, but laying down was not a good idea because now he feels too tired to think, so he shakes his head.

“That’s fine then, if you don’t need anything else, good night.” He starts to get up, but Baz grabs his arm.

“No, stay here, don’t go.” Simon looks at him, Baz scoops a little to the side, making space in the bed, “Simon, _please_.”

They look at each other for what feels like an entire minute and then Simon finally speaks.

“Okay,” he says. “Yeah, okay. Just. You should get under the covers,” he turns around and takes off his trousers while Baz covers himself. He’s too drunk to think about pajamas, so he just watches Simon put on his. Then Simon grabs the duvet and tells Baz to move. Now he’s laying next to him, looking at the ceiling.

Baz is too exhausted to think about how many times he has daydreamed about sharing a bed with Simon. He just feels nice and warm with his roommate next to him, so he puts his head on Snow’s shoulder and an arm on his chest, and then just lets himself relax and fall asleep.

                                                                                                                                       ~

“Baz.” Someone’s shaking his shoulder, “Baz!” It’s Snow. Baz is going to kill him.

“What do you want? He groans. He hasn’t opened his eyes, he just wants to keep sleeping.

“Look, I got you water, coffee and a cereal bar,” he says. _What?_

“What?” Baz opens his eyes then and he realises he’s in the wrong side of the room. He’s starts to remember what happened last night. Fuck, he made a fool of himself in front of Simon. And then he asked him to sleep with him, hell, that was probably the most humiliating thing he’s done. This is terrible.

“You probably feel miserable, so I brought you food,” he’s holding a water bottle in front of Baz’s face. "At least say thank you.”

“Uhm, yeah, thanks,” Baz says.

“Wow, wasn’t expecting you to actually say it, are you still asleep?”

“Shut up,” Baz answers, sitting up and grabbing the bottle.

“Yeah, that’s more like you.” He says, and sits crossed legged at the end of the bed, facing Baz. He’s wearing jeans and a hoodie, and his hair looks a little wet.

“How long have you been awake? Why didn’t you wake me up?” Baz takes a gulp of water. He’s really thirsty and hungry.

“I woke you up now, and for like,” he takes his phone out of his pocket and looks at it, “two hours. It’s past noon.”

Baz groans, “why did you let me sleep so much?”

“Hey, I’m being a good roommate and taking care of your hungover ass. I let you rest and brought you food, you even slept on my bed, so stop complaining.” He angrily bites a cereal bar of his own.

“I’m sorry” Baz says, and grabs the coffee cup that’s on Snow’s bed side table.

“Yeah, sure,” he mutters. He’s looking down.

“No, I’m serious. Sorry for everything,” Baz says. Simon looks at him questioningly.

“I know it must be difficult to live with me. I’m sorry for bothering you all the time and for complaining about Bunce and for making you sleep with me last night.” Baz is going to cry again, he can feel the wetness in his eyes, he’s such a mess.

Simon notices and he gets closer, sitting on his heels next to Baz. He looks concerned.

“No, Baz, don’t tell me you’re going to cry again. What’s happening with you? What’s making you so sad?”

Baz doesn’t want to lie. “It’s you, you idiot. I don’t want to argue all the time.” He looks up, trying to stop his tears from falling. He’s going to do it, he’s really going to tell him what he feels for him “I don’t hate you. I don’t want to pretend I hate you anymore.”

“Oh,” Snow says, “really?” Baz looks at him now. “Tha- that’s great, I don’t actually hate you either, I mean you’re really annoying but-“

“Shut up, just shut up,” Baz says.

“No, I’m joking, we can be friends if you want.” He says. He’s smiling, why is he being so kind?

“I- I,” this is harder than Baz thought, “Simon,” he sits on his heels facing Snow, “I don’t want to be your friend,” Snow frowns, “I want to be more than that”.

There it goes, he said it; he can’t take it back now. All this time hiding it and now he told him, at least he feels relieved, even if he doesn’t know what Snow’s thinking. He looks shocked, he’s looking at Baz without blinking, his mouth slightly open.

“Snow,” Baz tells him after a while, “say something.”

He blinks now and looks around the room, then at Baz again. “Y- you, what do you mean?”

“Ughh,” Baz covers his face with his hands, “what do you think I mean?”

“But, but, you hate me.”

“I don’t.”

“You like me? He says, “like that? Are you serious? Why?” Baz sighs, he puts his hands down.

“I don’t know, I’m not, it’s not like I’m going to tell you every good thing about you. Don’t expect me to-”

He can’t finish speaking because Simon puts his hand on his mouth.

“Stop talking, I mean, why are you telling me now?” He puts his hand down.

“Because, I don’t know. You didn’t seem okay these past weeks and I thought you had broken up with your girlfriend and maybe you were sad, but I never asked and then, last night, you went out and-”

“And you got drunk and asked me to sleep with you.” He smirks, Baz hates him.

“She broke up with me,” he says now, “because she thought I was confused.”

“Confused?” Baz asks.

“Yes, apparently Agatha is smarter than both of us together because she asked me if I liked you” Simon says.

Baz doesn’t know if he’s imagining it, but he seems to be closer now.

“What? Why would she ask that?”

“I told you, because she’s smart.” He puts his hand on Baz’s cheek. This can’t be happening, is Baz confused? Maybe this is a dream.

“Are you- do you?” Simon puts his lips on Baz’s and then immediately pulls back.

“Shut up,” he says, and then kisses Baz again.

It’s the most amazing thing. Baz has thought about this since the first time he saw Snow, and now it’s happening. He’s moving his lips again his and it’s soft and gentle and better than he could’ve ever imagined. Baz grabs Simon’s hoodie and pulls him closer while Simon puts his hands in his hair. Snow opens his mouth as if inviting Baz to do the same and now their tongues are touching; Baz can taste Simon, it’s almost overwhelming, so he can’t help smiling. Snow giggles, _he giggles_ , it’s the cutest thing he’s ever done and Baz hugs him, because he has to, his body’s asking him to do it.

“Baz?” He asks, he’s got his chin on Baz’s shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“I really don’t want to be you friend either,” he says.

Baz laughs and looks at him. “Great, that’s fucking great.” And he kisses Simon’s lips again.

**Author's Note:**

> <3


End file.
